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Thread: [Forum Game] Mock Execrable Fanfic I

  1. #21
    Super Moderator Light's Avatar
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    I got to give credit where it's due. Perhaps CD was the only one appropriate enough to do it. Not only has he read my past fanfics, but I also appreciate his humor and his unyielding passion for Clarice. Bravo, brother
    "Light got disconnect?ed from the community, and Ducky seems to be in love with him"

  2. #22
    Super Moderator Bryce's Avatar
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    The author of the fanfic CD proposed for mocking, Darren "Sabrewolf" Perlongo, was killed by a drunk driver in 1998. After dying, he maintained his amateur radio license through 2006 in spite of a general government policy to cancel license grants to the deceased, graduated from high school in 2001, explored neopaganism, got Youtube and Google+ accounts, and even became engaged. He also seems to be working in Atlanta, possibly as an EMT. Although he wasn’t much of a fanfic writer, I feel that his post-mortem accomplishments still stand as an inspiration to dead people everywhere, rivaling those of Mark Twain.

    This being the case, I don't think anyone should stop themselves from participating in this forum game out of respect for the dead.
    Last edited by Bryce; 04-02-2012 at 05:20 AM.

  3. #23
    Super Moderator Bryce's Avatar
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    By: Darren "Sabrewolf" Perlongo
    *********The Shadow Warrior
    Part one


    Opening Scene: Close up shot of a dark mouse in the prone position with a rifle almost
    completely concealed by shadows and vegitation. He is looking through
    a scope mounted atop of his rifle at a group of mice children playing in an
    * area outside a wealthy looking house.
    Chip: This is an auspicious start.

    Mouse thinking: *I can't believe I took another one of these horrible jobs for
    some monster.
    Dale: A hitman killing a child? Is this what happens when a psychopathic child killer wins the lottery?

    Gadget: Maybe the killer is motivated by a genuine, if misguided, concern about a Malthusian population catastrophe. Under such circumstances, sub-contracting the work would be natural.


    But if I don't take it and make some money someone else
    will and it will be done anyway.But what does it matter,there is no honor
    glory in this type of job.
    Dale: For honorable glory!

    I can't even quit on this one,I am bound by my
    contract.
    Chip: Well, he's got us there. Rules are rules.

    I just can't do it anymore,I have been fighting all my life and
    have given up so much to be what I am,and money is no longer a worthy
    cause.I will find some way to use my abilities to do good,I swear it!But
    I must finish this one last hit.
    Chip: Yeah, just keep telling yourself that. Just one more senseless child-killing to pay the rent. If you can justify that to yourself, you can justify anything.

    Gadget: Why does he think in exposition-speak, anyway?

    Chip: It’s like that voice people have in their heads, that narrates in hard-boiled metaphors.

    Monty: Huh?

    Chip: What, you don’t have one?

    Camera remains at same shot throughout above,and now shows the mouse starting to take
    aim,then switches to a circled in shot through the scope. The scope view shows the children sitting in a circle on the ground. The crosshairs slowly move to the center of a well dressed toddler's head.
    Gadget: How long can a toddler stay “well dressed?”

    Chip: Outdoors? While playing? About thirty seconds.

    Monty: So, a little longer than Dale, then.


    Camra switches back to the previous shot showing a single
    tear run down the mouse's cheek.Then a single shot rings out.
    Chip: Of course, killing children for money is much more respectable than killing them for personal reasons.

    Dale: And he cries when he kills children. That's way more sympathetic.


    Part 2
    As the very tired rangers walked through the door after a very demanding case they can barely walk to the couch before collapsing on it.
    Chip: ***Boy, was that a tough case or what?
    Monty: **Too right, and I can't believe that those clowns still got away after we chased them halfway across town.
    Gadget: **too bad we couldn't use the ranger planes to go after them in, I was in the middle
    of adding some new controls to make them more maneuverable.
    Gadget: In addition to machines, I also fix plot holes. It’s a pity I also have a neurotic compulsion to explain my actions to people who already know about them, at a time when it is no longer relevant to the situation at hand, for the benefit of unseen third parties.

    (Pause)

    Gadget: I said that because I thought it was funny, but it probably wasn’t.


    Montyquietly) I can hardly wait.
    Chip: *we were lucky we caught them without to much of their fancy weapons their smuggling in,those two rocket launchers they were toting almost cooked us for dinner.
    Gadget: **where would rodents get weaponry like that?
    Chip: … yes, where indeed, Gadget? Where indeed?

    Gadget: I know nothing about those missing model rocket engines!


    Monty: **yeah,that kind of stuff is humans only.
    Zipper,who has been perched on Monty's shoulder,
    Dale: Like a parrot?

    Chip: No, not like a parrot; parrots can talk.

    buzzes something to him
    Monty: **Krikey,
    Chip: Krikey?

    Monty: What could it mean?

    (Gadget looks it up in a dictionary)

    Gadget: Ah, here it is - Krikey. Interjection. A corruption of the word “khrist.”

    you're right zipper,we can't go after them if they pack that kind of
    firepower
    Dale: **yeah,those things took a pretty big chunk out of that brick wall.
    Chip: (yawns) Well why don't we get some sleep and we'll plan tomorrow..
    All the rangers agree and head off to their bedrooms and go to sleep.

    Part 3
    Early the next morning,Chip is the first to wake and slowly gets himself out of bed. He
    put on his jacket and his hat and went into the kitchen and sat down at the table.

    He was
    soon thinking of how to spend more time with Gadget.A few minutes later Monty walked
    in and saw Chip *daydreaming *and grinned,he knew what Chip was thinking about.

    Monty: He must be thinking of cheese.

    Monty: **G'day mate
    chip was startled for a moment but looked up to the big mouse who was donning a apron and chefs hat.
    Chip: **Good morning monty, whats for breakfast.
    Monty: (with slight cheese attack) Ceeeeezzzzzzzeeeee flapjacks
    Chip: ***Well I'll go get the rest of the gang.
    Chip: … and take them to IHOP.

    Several hours later
    Dale: We must have gotten lost on the way back from the restaurant.

    The rangers had decided not to pursue the case today because of the bad weather and
    lack of knowledge of how to deal with this kind of weaponary.
    (Author's note: I duly tried to work that misspelling into some kind of pony joke, but it's late and I'm tired. Sorry.)

    Dale is watching a horror
    movie on tv,Chip is reading a sure-luck Jones novel,Gadget is in her Workshop,and Monty
    and Zipper are playing cards.
    Chip: Well, that's a nice piece of writing.

    Gadget: I don't think a robot with dice and a mad-libs book could do any better.

    All the sudden, there is a knock at the door.Chip,bored to death,
    Gadget (crying): Why, oh why did Chip have to step in front of my tunnel boring machine?

    Dale: It's okay, Gadget. At least we can be together now. And I don't think any of your machines are boring.

    jumped up and ran to answer it. When he opened the door he was almost shocked at what he saw.There was
    a male mouse,about his height standing outside the door. He was dressed in a jet black Battle Dress Uniform,with a jet black trench style coat over that. He wore black boots
    that came nearly to his knees and a black aussie style hat.
    Chip: Oh, darn. Gadget – another one of your angsty relatives is here.

    On his body he wore shoulder
    harness with something that looked very much like a semiauto pistol under each shoulder.
    On his back there was something that looked like a sword strapped across him.He looked
    more like a shadow then a mouse.
    Chip: Shadow? That seems familiar somehow.

    Mouse: **Good Day Sir,is this The Rescue Ranger residence?
    Chip: Home of Chip Rescue Ranger, Dale Rescue Ranger, Monterey Jack-Rescue Ranger and Gadget Hackwrench-Rescue Ranger.

    Gadget: Golly, it was so nice of you to adopt me.

    Chip: Dale and I both wanted kids pretty bad.

    By now Monty,Zipper,and Dale were standing behind him.
    Chip: **Yes,it is can we help you?
    Mouse: **Actually it's more the other way around. My name is Wolf,I am interested in joining your team. I don't have a normal resume so I'll just give you my S.A.M.O. file.
    Chip: **Samo?
    Wolf: **"Small Animal Mercenary Organization".
    All the rangers look at him kind of funny.
    Chip: Seeing as how the Rescue Rangers are a crime fighting organization, and mercenaries are illegal...

    Wolf: I'm an ex-merc, I just quit the business.
    Wolf hands Chip a file folder that is very thick but well organized.
    Chip: **Well I don't know,we don't really need any new members right now.
    Monty quickly moves to block Wolf's view of the “help wanted” sign.

    Wolf: **I understand,and thats all I ask,is for you to look through the file and consider
    me,thats all I want.

    Chip: Well, I see you have lots of experience with assassinating toddlers. It's all very impressive, but you see, we don't really do much work in that field...

    If you decide you don't need me,I'll leave you a way to contact me
    if you change your mind later.

    Chip: **Well ok, we'll consider it,come on in.
    Chip: … try not to assassinate anyone while you're inside.

    Chip,Dale and Monty led him to the table,while Zipper went *to go get Gadget.After
    Gadget came out, they all sat down and the Rangers opened the file and began
    reading it.

    Chip: (reading) **Name: Classified, Codename: Wolf, Status: Deceased?
    Dale: He was presumed dead after being run over by a drunk driver.

    Chip: See, that would be in incredibly poor taste if the author weren't still alive and living happily in Georgia.

    All rangers look slightly confused

    Wolf grinning: **Thats how I quit, I killed myself,buried myself,and spoke at my funeral.
    Chip: It's a perfect plan. I assume you'll foresee the invention of Facebook and Youtube and be sure not to give yourself away by joining under your real name ten years later.

    Chip(continuing file): **Enemy killed in combat: 500 confirmed,Marks terminated: 200 confirmed.
    Wolf's face fell slightly,
    Wolf: **I have been fighting almost all of my life you know, it adds up.
    Rangers are all stunned looking,staring at him, jaws hanging.
    Wolf: **Go on,read the next part
    Chip (reading): … latest victims: the Rescue Rangers!

    Chip: **Currant skills: Expert in all known weapons,
    Monty: He has currant skills? Do we really need another chef?

    Gadget: Yes. Our cholesterol is through the roof.

    preferred weapons are katanna and firearms,Expert Rated with all explosives,
    Gadget (to Wolf): Soooo.... do you want to see my sprocket collection? I keep it under my bed...

    skydiving,underwater operations,climbing,fighter jet pilot,medic, Master Sniper, covert entry and retrieval,master rating in all known fighting systems and martial arts.

    Dale: **Sounds like something out of those action movies.
    Dale: … or a badly written fanfic!

    Monty: **Yeah, how do we know you didn't just make all this up?
    Chip (as Wolf): Would a heavily armed mercenary child-killer lie?

    Wolf: I can't prove it to you unless you actually see it,there is just no way.

    Monty eyes him suspiciously but lets Chip continue.

    Chip: **Medical and physical condition: All body systems in perfect order.Eyesight: Extremely acute normal vision,
    Monty: The Marty Stu health insurance plan includes vision care.

    with biochip implant giving inferred vision as well.
    Gadget: I guess vision can be inferred, it would be pretty hard for a blind person to master firearms.

    Skeleton
    is fused with an unknown metal,rendering bones nearly unbreakable.
    Chip: How incredibly original!

    Dale: It's not like that was ever in a comic or anything.

    Three retractable claws made from the metal are on top of each hand.
    Posseses a quick healing ability,regenerating damaged or destroyed tissue in less than one tenth of normal healing time.
    Dale: Yep. Totally original superpowers.

    Also has biochip implants in his ears premitting him to hear sounds of
    frequency far above or below range of any animal's normal capicity

    Monty: Sorry mates,I just can't believe all this, it can't possibly be true.
    Chip: Wolf may be phenomenal to us, Monty, but on his home planet of Mary Sue VII, he would be considered a feeble-minded weakling.

    Dale: **Yup, it sounds like a movie all right.
    Dale: … and I think it starred Hugh Jackman.

    Gadget: **It is highly unlikely that what this says is true.

    Wolf: **Trust me, I wouldn't believe me ether, but I can give you a little reassurance.

    Chip: **How?
    Dale (as Wolf): See that little squirrel kid playing in that tree over there? Watch this...

    Wolf places both his arms flat on the table for all to see.Then three gleaming claws slide out of the top of each hand.

    All but Wolf: **Gasp

    Chip: *where did those come from?
    Dale: Canada.


    Monty: **TooRaloo, those things are sharp,who are you?

    Wolf: **skip down to the part marked history.
    Chip: Oh, no. More exposition.

    Gadget: Now, now. The excessive attention to biography is a custom of the Marysuevian People. We must respect their culture!

    Chip(reading): **History: No information is available before his joining of the organization.
    Joined at age 14. Spent first 3 years in training rapidly moving up in level of skill.First
    mission receive at age 17 and continued for 2 years,achieving rank and skills. Disappeared for eight months when captured on a weapons procurement raid at a US government weapons research center.When he reported in 8 months later, all his currant skills had been enhanced to point of perfection,had acquired 90% of skills listed above
    Monty: I have always felt that a mercenary was not complete without excellent currant skills.

    after returning. Upon medical examination the following were found in his body: bones
    fused with unknown metal,claws made of same metal,eye implants, a small chip was located in long term memory area of brain,according to him, this was a synthetic memory
    device,now permantly locked preventing any erasure,that contained all his new knowledge.
    Gadget: Now desperately sought by the fruit spread and jam industry, for whom the perfect currant knowledge contained in the implanted microchip would be worth millions, Wolf went on the run...

    After the standard3 month recuperation leave,he returned back to duty. Immediately, he
    rose to the organizations best mercenary.Given all the most dangerous assignment up until this currant date.
    Chip: Anyone have any more jokes about currant berries? I'm all tapped out.

    Dale: Me too.

    Wolf: **while I was captured,the designers were attempting to make an enhance fighter implant system to use on soldiers in the military,but they had to test it first.I was the one
    to receive the new system.They basically implanted everything they had into me.
    Dale: … including the lab sink, an oscilloscope, and some old surgical instruments they were going to throw out anyway.

    Chip: Is that a good idea, using one person as a prototype for all those technologies?

    Gadget: I do it all the time. It works fine.

    There was
    more pain in the operations then in all the battle wounds I had receive put together.Gradually they trained me how to control all of the gear and then downloaded brain scans of the best fighters in the military into the implant.One of the side effects of the
    implant is that it took a chunk of long term memory,therefore i cannot remember my childhood,it;s all just a few fragments of images.I hope this clears this up.
    Dale: Yep, it clears up any doubts about your mental condition. Welcome to the team.

    All the rangers are gaping at him. Finally chip regains his senses and speaks up.
    Chip: I... would be utterly senseless to hire a psychotic killer like you to be part of the Rescue Rangers.

    Chip: ***Well this is all hard to believe but the claws do give us some hint of truth,and
    we need someone with your skills to help with a case we're on.Gang should we make him
    officially a ranger?All in favor?

    All but Wolf: I
    Dale: Aye approve of his spelling.

    Chip: All opposed?
    Chip: Because I have to ask that, even if everyone who was eligible to vote already voted in favor of allowing a mass murderer to join our group.

    No one says anything.
    Chip: Probably wisely, if they want to live.

    Seeing this Chip gets up and walks over to Wolf,the other rangers follow.

    Chip(shaking Wolfs hand): Welcome to the team Wolf,let me introduce you to everyone.

    Chip: This is Dale
    Dale walks closer to him and Wolf shakes his hand, as he does there is a buzzing sound and Wolf jumps back.Dale,now laughing, shows him a handshocker. Chip gives him an annoyed look.

    Wolf: Nice to meet you.

    Dale: Me to, I got a kick out of it.

    Chip introduces Wolf to everyone and they all sit down to discuss the currant case.
    Chip: Okay, guys. All the currant pies in the city have been stolen...



    Parts 3 and on are still up for commentary.

  4. #24
    Super Moderator Bryce's Avatar
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    Part3

    Scene shows all the rangers sitting down at the table to discuss the currant case.

    Wolf: **Well because I just got here would you care to brief me on the currant case?
    Chip: Ah ha! How did you know it was currants?

    Dale: A spy!

    Monty: Hang the traitor!

    Gadget: No! You can't! I'm... carrying his child!

    Chip: **Well it's strange but dangerous,we chased down a pair of thugs who turned on us with some pretty heavy firepower.

    Gadget: **Those to had two rocket launchers that packed quite a punch,the launchers looked familiar but we couldn't put our finger on it.
    Chip: Maybe because you designed them?

    Monty: Hang both the traitors! Dibs on his cookbook!

    Wolf's face instantly goes dead serious at the mention of rocket launcher. He begins to listen intently.

    Dale: **Boy,I wonder what cereal those things came in?

    Chip bops him on the head for that remark.

    Chip: **You dummy,you don't get those things from cereal boxes!
    Gadget: Yes, that's crazy talk; no-one could ever smuggle functional machines in cereal boxes. It would be absurd. Not to mention offensive to Asians.

    Wolf: **Please decribe the launchers,did they look like real human launchers or toy looking?

    Gadget: **Now that you mention it, they did look kind of like toys.

    Wolfsoftly) oh great

    Monty: **What's the matter mate?

    Wolf: **I think I know where they came from,there is a company in Japan that makes all sorts of stuff including some serial called "muffy chuffys" or "nutty muddies" or something like that.
    Gadget: All the best serial is made in Japan. RS-232, RS-422, even –

    Monty hits Gadget in the head with a sock filled with lead shot, slightly too late to interrupt the nerd joke.

    Dale: Eh? You found that sock? But I threw it in the lake!

    Monty hits Dale with the sock.

    Monty: I made a new one. And that was for throwing my sock in the lake.

    Dale: **PUFFY WUFFIES?

    Wolf: yeah,that's the one, your comment on the cereal reminded me of it.

    Dale gives Chip a triumphant look and looks proud.

    Monty: **Too right!,and when were chasing those cereal clowns and got out in with all those toys, Gadget used one of the launchers to blast a hole to get out.

    Gadget: **I thought those were a bit too life like.
    Monty: Gadget, were you reading ahead?

    (Gadget does not respond, as she is still unconscious from the last socking.)

    Wolf: **Lifelike is an understatement, those were real weapons,that is where other mercs get their weapons,their modified toys,mine are the real human weapons shrunken down,but those guns are just as dangerous. The shipments are very well guarded and
    very secure.
    Chip: Naturally, seeing as they go to arm America's secret chipmunk army...

    Monty: *Well if their so secure, how'd these goons get them?

    Wolf: **Last month, a shipment disappeared and did not go through the normal distribution checks.The people who took it, stole everything action figures and all.What you used was
    only a small portion of the total amount of kinds of guns.
    Dale: Wow, how do you know this?

    Chip (as Wolf): Because I'm a Mary Sue, and therefore omniscient.

    Gadget: “Mary Sue” is a female; the correct term for a male of his species is “Marty Stu.”

    Chip: It is? I thought Gary Stu?

    Gadget: That's a different ethnic group, I think.

    Dale: **So, what does all this mean anyway?

    All but Dale: We have a problem.
    :

    Chip: I'll say, we're reading this fanfic.

    Chip: **You said something about your guns, are those all you have(indicating the pistols on his harness)?

    Wolf: *Hell no, I have an almost unlimited supply of *almost all weapons you can get.
    Dale: Shh, Chip, you've offended him! Never ask a Marty Stu to put a limit on his cool stuff!

    My home base is located under this tree.

    All: WHAT?
    Gadget: Note – that's all, not “all except Wolf,” indicating that he has surprised even himself with this absurd claim.

    Wolf: **Think about it, easy to remember the location,tallest oak tree in the Park,I never considered you a threat,besides it was here before you moved in.
    Chip: We didn't build the tree.


    I'm not going to bore you
    with the details,I'll just show you.

    Switch Scenes
    Outside at bottom of the tree,all rangers are there and Wolf is looking at a section of the trunk about one foot up.

    Wolf: (appeantly talking to the tree):
    Chip: See guys, I told you he was totally sane.

    **Access, Wolf, November, Echo, Tango
    Gadget: Wolf NET?

    Dale: Just like on Star Trek!

    After saying this a large door, about two feet wide and a foot tall opens up, revealing a long tunnel.

    Wolf: **Ok, follow me

    Wolf leads them on a short climb up some barely noticeable notches cut into the bark serving as a ladder and into the tunnel, Which Gadget recognizes instantly.

    Gadget: **Golly! This is a runway isn't it?

    Wolf: **Very Good,you are a pilot?
    Gadget: For someone who supposedly determined us to not be a threat, he doesn't know much about us...

    Chip (as Wolf): I believe the one called “Zipper” is the leader.

    Dale: Zipper? Who's that?

    Chip: That pet fly Monty had, until your girlfriend ate it by accident.

    Dale: Oh, right. Zipper.

    Gadget: **Yes, I fly the Ranger's aircraft which I built myself.

    Wolf: **Well,I can't wait to see your skills in the air.
    Chip: Ahem.

    Monty: We can.

    Chip and Dale shoot him a stern look

    Wolf: **I'm a pilot myself but I really only fly jets,I could fly a conventional aircraft, but not nearly as well.
    Gadget: Since when is a jet less conventional than a tilt-rotor and a hybrid ornithopter with plungers for landing gear?

    Monty: *Wait a minute,How did you get in here all this time without us knowing about it?

    Wolf: *Training in the arts of stealth under the best fighters in the world for a couple of years is one reason......And my secret enterence down the path helped too.(he grins)
    Chip (as Wolf): I'm a Marty Stu. I'm just that awesome – in fact, the whole universe exists to demonstrate just how awesome I am.


    The rangers *reach the end of the runway after quite a long walk.
    Chip: Inside a tree.

    It ends in a large steel wall. Wolf walks to a door on one of the side walls.He places his hand on a green tinted
    glass pad to the side of the door, it glows for a second and then the door opens and he
    leads the rangers into an airlock type chamber with another door. He then puts his eye very
    close to a small camera looking thing.

    Computer Voice: **Retina Scan Passed,please enter voice authorization now

    Wolf: **Access, Wolf, November,Echo,Tango
    Dale (as Wolf): Earl Grey, hot!

    Computer Voice: **All checks confirmed. Welcome, Wolf

    The door slid open and wolf led the rangers into a large room with many doors on the walls.Everything in here is rodent sized.

    Wolf: *Welcome to my Domain,sorry about the heavy security, but with the things that are
    in here it is nessecary.I *would have used the elevator that was in your house but
    it would have knocked the table over,sorry.
    Chip: So... he has an elevator. In Ranger Headquarters. Which we never knew about before.

    Gadget: That's just what Marty Stus do... but still... why?

    Monty (as Wolf): I... like to watch Gadget when she's asleep.


    Gadget backs away from Monty on the couch.

    All the rodents looked around the room, everything perfectly sized to them.

    Wolf: *To keep a very long decription short, this place is about indistructable,capable of supporting us *indefinably if necceary,and has every weapon and jet we could ever need. There is on problem though, Almost all the weapons I have are fully leathal,it takes training to use them non leathaly.
    Chip (as Wolf): I am so skilled, I can stun someone with a tactical nuclear weapon.

    Dale: By hitting them in the head with it?

    And also, I really don't like to use the planes unless I have to for combat because of the attention they would draw if discovered. I love just flying for fun in them and do it all the time,it is usually mistaken for either a bird or a model plane.But when you get into combat,it brings you close enough for them to see you clearly,and,well you get my point.

    Gadget: *Can we see the planes?

    Wolf: **Sure follow me.

    He led them into a room marked "hanger" and everyone but Wolf is stunned by the sight,even more so with Gadget, There are at least 100 fighters lined up in storage lots.
    Chip: A hundred? Why would one guy need a hundred planes?

    Monty: It's a cultural thing. He hopes to attract a mate.

    Gadget: **Golllllllyyyyy!

    Monty: **Tooralooo, I haven't seen this many jets together before in me life.

    Wolf: *I can outfit these with any known armament that will fit on that kind of aircraft.Of course since the armament is scaled down they don't do as much damage,a 2000 lb bomb (to scale) that when full sized will take out a fortified bridge, will take out a garbage can filled with sand.
    Dale: That will come in handy; our enemies are always hiding in sand-filled garbage cans!

    Monty: Crikey!,those things pack more punch then a rhino!

    Gadget: Jeepers!
    Gadget: What? That's not on my euphemism list!

    Dale: Wowwee!

    Wolf: If what I suspect is correct,we are going to need some of the equipment I have here to face these guys.

    Dale: *Oh boy! Oh boy! Now I can shoot up the bad guys (he imitates a machine gun)

    Wolf: *actually,I'm not going to let anyone but me use the weapons until you are properly trained,if these things aren't used correctly they can be as dangerous to us as they are to them.

    Chip: sounds good to me
    Chip: I'm ready to move beyond our antiquated non-lethal methods. Let's go shoot up Fat Cat's casino!

    Gadget: Does this mean I'm allowed to make chemical weapons now?

    Chip: No. I like being alive.


    wolf: *thank you,it is for our own good, now if you'll follow me into the briefing room and show me where you last encountered them,we can get started on the case.

    All the rangers go into a door marked "Breifing" and talking can be heard.

    Part 4

    Several hours later.Scene of all rangers getting into the Ranger Wing.The plane takes off and heads to where they last saw the thugs.After a brief flight, they land and all disembark.

    Wolf: Ok,Chip which way?

    Chip: over in that alley(he points to an alley just down the block.)

    Dale: you can even see the hole that bazooka made

    Wolf: *all right, come on and be quiet.
    Chip (as Wolf): I'm in charge now. Behold my awesome prowess. Try to keep out of the way as I destroy the enemy single-handedly. Dale, compose a hymn to my greatness. Monty, go home and bake a cake to celebrate my impending victory. Make it a layer cake.

    They all walk down to the alley and stop just inside of it.

    Wolf: now everyone get in a single file line and watch the rear flank.

    Monty: *(in an irritated voice) Now see here.

    All turn to Wolf who is facing into the alley with the rest of the rangers facing him.

    Monty: *Now we've been doing this a long time and we know what to do.

    Wolf: *I just want the rear covered thats all.

    Monty: We know how to watch our backs you know.

    Wolf: *Really?

    Monty: *Yeah

    Suddenly Wolf,with lightning fast speed that only comes with experence,draws his .45 and lets off three rounds just hairs from monty's head.All the rangers but jump to the side.
    Chip: And this guy is going to teach us about gun safety?

    Chip: **Are you plumb crazy??!!!

    Monty: **What are you trying to do....

    Suddenly a grunt is heard behind them and everyone turns to see a rat holding a knife made from a hobby knife's blade, ready to stab Monty in the back,fall to his knees with
    a hole in his chest and two holes right in his heart blood flowing all over his chest.He takes a gasp for breath with a bloody mouth and falls over onto his back,dead.All the rangers but
    wolf are completely stunned.
    Chip: … See, now I'm going to have to pay for group therapy again.

    Wolf to Monty: *you may want to work on that rear vision.

    He casually walks past them to the rat and fires a round into his head,spraying a little bit of blood on his face which he wipes off with his hand.

    Wolf: *just making sure
    Chip (as Wolf): So... Gadget... does my martial prowess arouse you?

    He then starts to search the body for clues while the rangers look on,still bewildered by how he could kill so causally and have no second thoughts about it.Wolf finds a small piece of paper and reads it for a second before tearing it up.

    Chip: *hey, thats a clue!!

    Gadget: *how are we supposed to solve the case if you tear up the evidence??

    Zipper: buzzes angrily at Wolf
    Chip (as Wolf): Evidence? Case? Shoot 'em all and let God sort 'em out!

    Dale: Makes sense.

    Wolf, ignoring their protests: *He was just a messenger,I know where their base is,lets go back to HQ and pick up some things,we're going to need them.All these guys do is make money on the black market for this kind of weaponary,their just common smugglers but they are good ones and that makes them dangerous.

    Scene switch to rangers getting into the Ranger Wing.

    The rangers fly back to Headquarters with Gadget flying with wolf next to her.
    Gadget: So... you wanna see my Sprocket collection?

    Scene switches to about ten minutes later all the rangers standing outside waiting on Wolf.
    Dale: Our soup of the day is potato cheddar... will you be wanting something to drink?

    Chip: … Yeah, that's about the extent of our role in this story.


    Chip: *I don't understand how he could kill that person so,easily.
    Dale: The gun helped a lot.

    Monty: *He saved my skin sure enough,I'll give him that.

    Gadget: *Still,he didn't have to kill that thug.

    Zipper: *buzzes to Monty

    Monty: *you're right zipper, sometimes you just have to make a decision on the spot.

    Chip: *yes, but he made it so quickly and then he shot him again

    Monty: *well if he had waited, I might not be here talking to you mate.

    Chip: *yes but.......
    Monty: No more “buts.” Wolf is our new leader and a living god. Now, I need to go get his cake from the oven.

    Wolf comes out of the door with a very emotionless face.He is now carrying a M-16 with a 40mm grenade launcher on it. He is also wearing an assault vest with 300 extra rounds for the M-16,extra clips for the .45s and grenades for the launcher.As he is walking to the rangers he wonders if they still trust him after killing that man,he knew in the situation that it was more than justified by any code of law but he knew good and well that sometimes people don't take that kind of action very well.
    Chip: Especially not in children's cartoons.

    Dale: It's okay, if any children are offended, Wolf will kill them.

    He also knew that if what he suspected was correct they were all in grave danger.

    Wolf: *look,I'm not going to apoligize for killing that thug because it was Monty or Him,but all my job is on the team is to keep everyone alive in combat conditions,which by the way we will almost certainly encounter on this case.We go about solving this case like you would solve any other but I'll be keeping an extra sharp lookout, Agreed?

    Rangers nod in response.
    Chip: Yes, my lord Wolf.


    Wolf: *well then lets saddle up!
    Gadget: Oh, good. I've been waiting to test my rocket-propelled Rainbow Dash doll.

    Part 5

    Scene shows wolf leading rangers through the junkyard where the note had said the base was.He is walking low with his rifle at the ready.He noticed he was much more nervous than normal while on a combat mission.He wasn't afraid of death but more about the deaths of his new teammates.He had grown rather attached to them in the last few hours and now he was more worried about them than himself.He knew you weren't supposed to make friends you couldn't stand to lose in his profession but he couldn't help it.As they came upon their destenation,they were walking along a long wall of concrete blocks holding up a pile of scrap metal with an alley like road going into the heap.Wolf knew
    that was the objective and he also knew it would be more than well gaurded.A few feet
    from the entrance he turned to Chip.
    Monty (as Wolf): Chip... is this sprocket collection just a metaphor for her, uh... you know?

    Chip: Sadly, no.

    Wolf: *ok boss,I'm gonna go secure the entrence,you guys hold up here for a mike ok?

    Chip: ok but what's a mike.

    Wolf: a minute.
    Chip (as Wolf): But much cooler.

    Chip: ok but be careful.

    Wolf: *zipper,would you mind assisting me?

    Zipper buzzes a yes and follows him to the edge of the wall before going into the alley.Zipper wondered what wolf wanted him to do.He was surprised he would even
    ask for help in the first place.
    Chip: It is pretty surprising. He must be assimilating to our culture.

    Gadget: Or he's trying to humiliate the rest of us by picking Zipper.

    Wolf(whispering):zipper,just peak over the edge and tell me how many guards there are,you're so small they most likely won't see you.

    Zipper nods and slowly peaks over the edge and suddenly jumps back.

    Wolf: *how many?

    Zipper holds up seven fingers.

    Wolf: *oh great.

    Wolf takes his rifle off safety and grips it tightly,feeling the rush he loved so much.
    Dale: Does this remind you of anything?

    After a second he spun half of his body over the edge firing a volley of rounds on automatic just across the alley to keep the guards down while he quickly surveyed the area to see where they were.He saw all of them behind cover making his job more difficult.
    Chip: He shoots at them and then expects them not to dive for cover?

    After his magazine was out he spun back behind the wall a hail of bullets following, making Swiss cheese out of the wall on the other side of him.He hit the clip release and smoothly had another in place before the first hit the ground.He then locked and loaded and also switched to semi-auto.He stuck the gun over the edge and shot off three rounds as suppression fire and then swung himself around into the alley shooting two of the men right in the heads and whipped back around,this time a Rocket Propelled Grenade following along with the expected bullets.The rockets user was obviously new to the weapon because it went and hit the alley wall very close to where he was but at such an angle that the explosion bounced off the wall.He looked over at the rangers who were all hugging dirt.

    Wolf(yelling to the rangers): Get over here!!
    Chip (as Wolf): … maggots!

    As the group started to crawl over,unaware that they were in relatively little danger not being in any line of fire,Wolf spun around this time firing a grenade from his launcher right into the chest of a rat who was standing by his buddy,the grenadeexploded nailing them both. Four down three to go.As he got behind cover he felt a sharp pain in his ear,ignoring it he reloaded his launcher.By now the group had arrived next to him and Wolf handed a .45 to chip.

    Chip: *but I don't know anything about firefights!

    Wolf: *Baptism by fire!,just don't be a hero and lay down some cover fire for me!

    Chip hesitantly nodded.
    Chip: Yes, my lord Wolf; I will kill at your glorious word.

    Wolf: *NOW!

    At this wolf jumped into the alley full speed firing on auto all the way, diving behind a hunk of rock about halfway into the alley,chip firing wildly but accoplishing the task he had been given.Wolf now lying on his back behind the rock, reloaded the 16 and flipped over into the prone position.He laid down some suppression fire and when they went down, he came up running toward them nailing two of the three,but before he could get the third guard,his gun jammed.Dropping it,he leaped toward the rat who was now drawing a rather long knife and pulled out his own katanna the blade a glimmering black.Landing right next to the rat, they engaged in an impressive match of sword play.The sentry knew how to use that knife of his and managed to slice Wolf several times.
    Chip: … my faith in lord Wolf is momentarily shaken! This cannot be!


    Then Wolf disarmed him and leaped in for the kill.A few minutes later he walked out to the group who were waiting for him

    Gadget: *Oh my gosh! you've been hurt!

    Wolf: *I caught a graze to the ear,no big deal.

    Gadget: *what about all those cuts on your arms?!

    Wolf: *that guard knew how to use a blade.
    Chip: If he gets cut up this badly and thinks nothing of it, after seven hundred kills, wouldn't he be pretty disfigured?

    Gadget: No, scars only make Marty Stus more ruggedly handsome.

    They walked back to the Ranger Wing where Wolf explained where the weapons were that had been moved while Gadget bandaged him up with the firstaid kit she kept in the plane.

    Wolf: *it really sucks that we got here too late,now the guns are all over the city and we got to find'em all.
    Dale: Just like Pokemon! With more firearms!

    Chip: I should write the NRA. They need suggestions for the new coloring book.

    Chip: *do you know how big this city is!?
    Dale (as Wolf): No. I never leave the vast catacombs hidden under the tree.


    Monty: Too right, theres no way we can track down all those bloom'n pea shooters.

    Dale: *so what do we do now?

    Gadget: *first we have to get him to a hospital to take care of these wounds.

    Wolf: *that won't be necessary Gadget thank you anyway.

    Monty: *Gadgets right you're cut up pretty bad

    Wolf: *these are minor wounds and my healing factor will take care of them now that Gadget has stopped the bleeding.Don't worry about it.I say we go back to HQ to rest up and plan our next move.

    Monty:but we should go bash those goons now before they hurt anyone!

    Chip: *wolf's right we need to plan first.We won't be able to do anything right now.

    Monty looking grumpily goes along.

  5. #25
    Super Moderator Bryce's Avatar
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    Has anyone MST3K'd this one yet? Redemption, by Brian Walmer.

    (edit) FA says mature content, but, not really; the profanity is mostly starred out already and what's left is basically some violence that's par for the course in this drivel.

  6. #26
    Bear Country Bully Decent Weasel's Avatar
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    Redemption:

    A rescue Ranger Story

    By Brian Walmer


    Starring:

    Chip
    Chip: Present.

    Dale
    Dale: That’s me!

    Gadget
    Gadget: Oh, do I have to?

    Monty
    Monty: That’s me!

    Zipper

    Foxglove

    Tammy
    Dale: (falsetto) Here!
    Chip: Oh, for the love of... knock it off!

    Wescott
    Gadget: Who?
    Dale: Search me!
    Chip: Wait, was he was that really nondescript guy in the paisley cravat? I kept telling him he was in the wrong house but he never cottoned on.

    RAT Capone

    And the return of

    Desiree






    There comes a time in life, when one has to decide to either be on the
    side of good or evil, and for one Desiree, it will be a decision that
    will change her life forever.


    Scene 1: (Morning breaks at Rescue Rangers Headquarters, and with the
    Rangers heading into the dining room for brest,
    Gadget: Oh god. No. No, I’m not doing this again. (stands and begins filing her way out of the theater)
    Chip: Hey, careful, Gadget!
    Dale: Ow, that’s my foot!
    Monty: Gadget, lov, we all have to suffer-
    Gadget: No, no, I’m out.

    st, with the sitting
    at the table the same as it is everyday, Chip and Gadget next to each
    other,
    Chip: Well, she WAS sitting next to me.
    Dale: Easy, Chip. She’ll come back.

    same as Dale and Foxglove, and Wescott and Tammy, with Monty
    and Zipper sitting at the end of the table)
    Dale: Hey, everybody with their respective girlfriend!
    Monty: WATCH IT, MATE.

    Monty: (handing the plates of food around to the other rangers) “Here
    you go mates, eat up, I spent all morning making it, I hope you enjoy
    it.”
    Chip: Ahh, just like mother used to make it. Emotional baggage and everything.

    Dale: (taking a bite out his eggs and sausage breakfast): “MMM! This
    is good Monty, you’ve almost outdone yourself this morning”
    Monty: Dale’s so easy to cook for. Sometimes you don’t even have to remove the Egg McMuffin wrapper.

    Foxy: (taking a sip of her orange juice) “I agree with my cutie, this
    is really good, I mean the eggs and sausages are done real well, you
    should be proud of yourself.”
    Chip: The most nondescript breakfast ever eaten.
    Dale: Done real well? As in, burned to a crisp? Sounds like every breakfast he ever cooks.

    Wescott: (with his mouth full of food) “Oh yeah, you should be proud
    of yourself, (swallowing his food) this is just terrific, and I’ve ate
    a lot of breakfasts during my journey here to the Ranger team, but
    none of them compare to this breakfast this very morning”
    Monty: Speaking of nondescript...

    Tammy: “Wes’s right Monty, you’re the best cook I know.”
    Chip: What is this, everybody take their turn buttering up Monty?

    Monty: (picking up his plate) “Um’ thanks mates, but if you’ll excuse
    me, I going to start washing dishes, besides I think you guys need
    some time alone, uh’, coming Zipper?”
    Dale: Uh oh.
    Chip: You can see the terror hit right about ...there.

    (Monty leaves with some of the e pla plates in hand towards the
    kitchen, Zipper follows in suite)
    Monty: You know, en suite bathrooms are nice, but en suite flies are really something else.
    Chip: What are you, seventy years old?

    Chip: (looking at everybody else) “Well, that was unusual of Monty,
    usually he’s more accepted of thanks giving his way, but not today for
    some reason.”
    Monty: More thanks to of give giving.

    Gadget: “I know what you mean Chip, and what’s the deal of saying we
    need some time alone, he never says something like, unless he knows we
    want time alone.”
    Chip: “Comma comma, comma comma comma, comma comma colon comma.”
    Dale: Wait, is Monty giving us a time out for sucking up to him?

    Dale: “You want to know what I think it is.”
    Chip: Nobody wants to know your opinion, Dale. Ever.
    Dale: Chip, that-
    Chip: EVER.

    Foxy: “What?”
    ale:ale: “Well, I think that maybe Monty’s sad and upset that he
    doesn’t have someone in his life, like we do for each other.”
    Monty: Well, actually, I wasn’t depressed, I was just-
    Chip: We remember. It hit the rest of us about a half an hour later. God, that was ugly.

    Wescott: “That may be a good point Dale, seeing that Monty’s the only
    one on the team that doesn’t go on dates anymore, it would explain his
    behavior this morning.”
    Monty: Hey, I’m a ladies man! I just had to step out to-
    Dale: Man, twelve bog rolls in one day! Can you imagine what the lady at the store must’ve thought?

    Gadget: “Well if that’s the case, then it’s a real shame that Desiree
    Delur turn to out to be such a, well excuse my lanague, a bitch, or
    she could have been a real part Monty’s life once again.”
    Gadget: I’m back.
    Monty: Nose powdered?
    Gadget: Anything happen?
    Chip: Well, you just called someone a bitch.
    Gadget: I hope it was Wescott.
    Dale: Who?

    Tammy: “Yeah, I wonder what happen to her.”
    Gadget: Ask Tommy Wiseau, maybe?

    Dale: (getting up from the table, and helping Foxy up too) “Who knows,
    the last we saw of her, she going on a flight to Canada as a surprise
    present for her Canadian beaver boss, so who knows what she’s been up
    to since then.”
    Dale: Beaver? Wow, even my language is getting salty!
    Gadget: Chip, can you-
    (Chip slaps Dale)
    Gadget: Thanks. (kisses Chip on the cheek)

    Foxy: “Well, let’s hope and pray that’s she been doing some good in
    her life as well as other people’s lives, instead of something bad.”

    (Foxy couldn’t be more right if she tried, for at this very moment,
    Desiree had become a Sunday school chorus teacher in Toronto, Canada,
    boy, talk about making a 360 in your life, Desiree certain has)
    Chip: Religion. It makes you a better person, unless it makes you much, much worse.
    Monty: Oh, God, not my ex. Ugh. I don’t know if I can take this. (gets up to leave)
    Chip: (Grabs Monty’s coattails) Stay right there.

    Desiree: (leading a group of Sunday school kids in singing “This
    Little Light of Mine”): “Okay kids, one more time, you ready?
    All: (falsetto) And God commanded them to smite all of the Amalekites, men, women, children, farm animals-

    Kids: “Ready Miss Delur!”

    Desiree: “All right then, on the count of three, one...two…three, go!”
    Dale: VROOOOM! VROOM VROOM Vr... guys?
    Chip: Just no.
    (Dale hangs his head in despondency)

    Kids: (singing) “
    This little light of mine
    I'm gonna let it shine
    This little light of mine
    I'm gonna let it shine
    This little light of mine
    I'm gonna let it shine
    Let it shine let it shine let it shine
    Hide it under a bushel NO
    I'm gonna let it shine
    Hide it under a bushel NO
    I'm gonna let it shine
    Let it shine let it shine let it shine
    Don't let Satan blow it out
    I'm gonna let it shine
    Don't let Satan blow it out
    I'm gonna let it shine
    Let it shine let it shine let it shine
    Let it shine till Jesus comes
    I'm gonna let it shine
    Let it shine till Jesus comes
    I'm gonna let it shine
    Let it shine till Jesus comes
    I'm gonna let it shine
    Let it shine let it shine let it shine”
    Gadget: And the children’s lives were wondrously enriched by this repetitive refrain, and all of the evil Desiree ever committed, dreamed up, or considered was more than outweighed by this one refrain of tiny angelic voices.
    Chip: ZzzSNORK Whaah?
    Monty: (yawns) Well, that was a good nap.
    Dale: Zzzzzz...
    Chip: Dale? DALE?
    Monty: Eh, just let him sleep.

    Desiree: (clapping) “That was very good kids, all right now, it’s time
    to get ready to go home, you kids have good week and I’ll see you next
    Sunday, bye.”

    Kids: “Bye Miss Delur”

    Desiree: (waving goodbye to the kids) “They’re sure a sweet bunch of
    kids, well I guess it’s time I headed home too, I gotta start planning
    for next week.”
    Monty: (falsetto) “Wait, who am I even talking to?”
    Chip: Man, planning for one hour of Sunday School is really labor-intensive.

    (And so with that said, Desiree packs up her Sunday school stuff,
    walks out the classroom door, and heads for home, but little does she
    know, that there’s a package waiting for her, when she gets there.)
    Monty: HOT THRILLING FEDEX ACTION!
    Chip: Man, yeah, the action just doesn’t stop.

    End of Scene 1

    Scene 2: Desiree’s home in Toronto
    Gadget: Hmm. I pictured her more as the Quebec type.

    (As Desiree approaches her home, she notices a package that’s the size
    of a mini DVD disc, she picks it up and takes it into her home,
    wondering what it could be.)
    Chip: (falsetto, with a grating faux-French accent) “I wonder if this is my special edition disc of Hugo already?”

    Desiree: (as she puts the disc in her mini DVD player, and sits down
    to watch it) “I wonder what this could be.”

    (She presses play of her remote and the disc begins playing, a shadow
    covered figure appears on the screen and Desiree is in shock as this
    figure starts talking about Desiree’s past
    Monty: Desiree is, of course, unable to follow what happens next, since she’s IN SHOCK.
    Gadget: Elevate her feet.
    (Chip crosses his legs and puts his feet up on the seat in front of him)

    Figure on TV screen: “Desiree Delur, you thought you could hide your
    past, but you were dead wrong, you think becoming a Sunday school
    teacher would help you forget your past, wrong!
    Chip: (tapping his head) Somehow I’m hearing this guy as Dennis Hopper in Apocalypse Now.
    Dale: “You think I’m gonna be the one to make this an interesting story? Look at me, WRONG!”

    You see Miss Delur, I
    know all about your criminal past, I know how you used people to do
    your bidding,
    Dale: Hey, he used the word “bidding.” Am I supposed to ring a bell or something?

    for example, does the name Monterey Jack ring a bell,
    Dale: Oh, never mind, he did it for me.

    I know it does,
    Chip: Then why did you ask!?
    Gadget: He just wanted to fit more commas in.
    Chip: Oh, yeah, he’s real short on those.

    because he was the last person you used to do your
    bidding, and what happened, he sent you on side trip straight to
    Canada.
    Dale: Comrade sent you on side trip straight to Canada. Canada is Siberia of America!
    Chip: You’re thinking of Minnesota.

    Now I know your probably thinking, that you deserved that for
    all the crimes that you committed in your life, maybe your right, and
    maybe your wrong,
    Chip: Doesn’t he mean “all the crimes that you committed in you’re life?”

    but in any case the time has come now for you to do
    the criminal bidding of someone much powerful than you and if you
    refuse, then I see a dreadful future for your little, sweet Sunday
    School kids If you don’t do my bidding. Now all you have to do is come
    to Chicago on the 6pm non-stop flight out of Toronto, and meet me
    under the Chicago bridge, and I will you you your first instructions.
    Dale: The where?
    Chip: God, I hate when they you me my instructions. Can’t they just mail them?

    And finally, if your wondering who I am, allow me to show you, (the
    figure walks out of the shadows, and shows himself to be none other
    than Rat Capone) I am Rat Capone and I will see you under the Chicago
    bridge at midnight tonight Chicago time.”
    Gadget: So he stepped out of the shadows? So why was he in the shadows in the first place?
    Monty: Gadget, luv, you have to understand-
    Gadget: Don’t you Gadget Luv me! It’s a legitimate question!
    Chip: Yeah, but Monty has a point. Rat Capone is about as sharp as a bucket of wet mice.
    Gadget: So he was hiding because he saw it on TV?
    Dale: Aren’t we all?
    (silence)
    Dale: Guys?

    (The screen goes blank, and disc stops playing, and Desiree teffired
    at what she just heard,
    Gadget: Oh God! I’m so teffired! My teff is so fired I just can’t handle it anymore! I hope I can find a tub of individual peanut butter packets or a stack of tie clips or something, whatever is used to deteff, so I can deteff FAST. Heh, get it, because...
    Monty: Are you okay?
    Gadget: Yeah... just a little... teffy...

    what was she to do, she obliviously didn’t her
    Sunday school kids to get hurt, so the only thing she could do, was
    what Rat Capone told her to do.)
    Chip: Oh, gee, I’m so oblivious I didn’t even my Sunday School kids get hurt. Such a dope! Can’t even things right in front of my face...

    (So later that night, Desiree hops on the 6pm non-stop flight to
    Chicago as Rat Capone told her to do so. While on the flight and with
    Celine Dion’s “It’s All Coming Back to me now” playing on the plane’s
    radio,
    Dale: Celine Dion? Are... are we in the right franchise?
    Gadget: Nothing about this is right, Dale.

    Desiree tried to think of way to get out this, because she
    really didn’t want to do this, her promise to herself was to forget
    and put her criminal past out of her mind, not to relive it once
    again, that’s when she got the idea, maybe she should tell the Rangers
    about Rat Capone, and his threat to her and her Sunday School kids,
    but the question was, would they believe her, after her last encounter
    with them, well if that was the case, all she codo wdo was pray to the
    Lord, and hope they would help her, because this time it was the real
    thing not no act.)
    Chip: Not no act, no how!
    Dale: But what codo wdo?
    Gadget: The sad thing is, sometimes there’s nothing codo wdo.
    Monty: At least not without fifty thousand commas to one’s name.

    End of Scene 2.

    Scene 3: (We see Desiree approaching Ranger headquarters on foot in
    the rain, still hoping and praying that they would help her, but
    inside Ranger headquarters, we see the Rangers involved in some of
    their own personal hobbies, Gadget tinkering with one of her
    inventions, Chip sitting on the couch reading one his “Sherlock Jones”
    books.
    Monty: Known in Conan Doyle fan circles as “Sh** Sherlock.”
    Chip: Hey!

    Monty and Zipper enjoying some Swiss cheese and a apple core,
    Monty seems in better mood, than he did this morning, Dale, Foxy,
    Wescott, and Tammy are enjoying and dancing to some music on the radio
    (currently playing “Youngstown’s “Pedal to the Steel” ),
    Gadget: God, who scored this? Tara Gilesbie?
    Dale: Gadget, you’re about as Goffik as Tara Strong.

    and enjoy
    switching dance partners at the same time.
    Chip: And the snake of the swinger lifestyle enters this pint-sized eden.

    While this was all going
    on, there is a loud knock at the door, which stops everyone in middle
    of their hobbies and fun)

    Chip: (getting up from the couch and his book to who it is) “Hmm, I
    wonder who that could be? I mean who needs our help at this time of
    night.” (8:00 pm Chicago time)
    Dale: Oh, right, because Chip never drags us out in the rain after 5PM weekdays.
    Chip: Dale, just because I have a work ethic-
    Monty: Hey, remember that time we hid that hundred dollar bill from Chip by putting it on top of his pillow?
    Chip: Monty, don’t encourage him!

    [/quote](Chip’s, like everyone else’s question is answed as he opens the door
    to see Desiree standing there)

    Desiree: “Please help me.”[/quote]

    Dale: Why am I imagining this voice really small and squeaky and ...melty?
    Monty: EEEE! HELP MEEEE!

    (Monty sees who it is, while standing behind Chip, and doesn’t look
    very happy to see Desiree, his once former lover standing there in the
    doorway asking for help)
    Chip: Once former, now reactivated per regulation C paragraph IX.

    Monty (defesnely):
    Gadget: Beethoven was deaf, and so is Nelly, apparently.
    Chip: Now, I was never a fan of Nelly, but don’t compare him to Monterey Jack.

    “Why, the last time you said you needed our help,
    you set us up, especially me.”

    Desiree (with tears rolling down her face, which has already been
    soaked by the rain, along with the rest of her body):
    Chip: So really, “with rain rolling down her face.”
    Monty: Ooh, wet angora sweater contest!
    Gadget: Oh, God, yuck, I’ve seen enough of your wet sweaters to turn me off for a lifetime. Mouse moobs... blugh.

    “I know Monzie,
    ande bee been trying to repent myself for the criminal past that I’ve
    had.
    Monty: Try again, honey.
    Chip: Ande Bee has been trying to repent of her past?
    Monty: Okay, but who’s Ande Bee?
    Dale: Maybe Andes Bees repented in her stead?
    Monty: Okay, so bees from the Andes interceded... still not buying it.
    Gadget: And this is all delivered in a thick French accent. It’s a wonder we got anywhere with her.

    But please you gotta believe me,
    Chip: Moviespeak for “I am a stinking liar,”

    this no act I’m playing, this is
    real this time, and if you don’t help, innocent children will be
    seriously hurt. Please, you gotta believe me!”
    Monty: Oh, great, so you’ve taken little kids hostage this time? Why, I oughtta-
    Dale: Monty, sit down. You’ll just ruin the screen again.

    (Foxglove, standing near Dale, sees that Desiree is breaking down in
    tears, and falling to her knees, as if almost in pain, asking and
    pleading for their help, and Foxy realizes that she was once there
    herself, and by her past experience with her now-hated enemy Winifred,
    she can tell, just by looking at Desiree, that she is indeed telling
    the truth, and that this was no act. And she is the first one to offer
    Desiree their help)
    Gadget: Ah, so easy to fall back to the dark side.
    Dale: Gadget!

    Foxy (coming up to the doorway and helping Desiree to her knees and
    inside to Rangers headquarters, and to the couch):
    Chip: Wait, did she force her to walk the whole way on her knees? Geez, talk about penitence.

    “Here Desiree,
    please come inside and have a sit at the couch, while I get you a
    glass of water, and then you can tell us the whole story.”
    Dale: Here, have a sit at this chair.
    Monty: Hey, be nice, Dale. When you’re drunk, sitting down is worse than the ring toss at the fair.

    (As Foxy goes to the kitchen to get a glass of water for Desiree,
    Monty: Oh, great! Just what the soaked lady needs. MORE WATER.
    Dale
    follows her in toe, and asks her what’s she doing)

    Dale: “Foxy, what are you doing, why are you offering our help, didn’t
    you hear what Monty said.”[

    Foxy (turns to face Dale): “Dale, you of all people should know that I
    was once in the same position as Desiree’s in, and that it may have
    took a while, but I did prove that I had changed my ways, why, because
    you and everyone else gave me a chance to prove it, and I truly
    believe that Desiree has indeed changed her ways, because
    Chip: I’m psychic.

    the old Desiree, from what Monty once described to me, wouldn’t have cared if
    innocent children got hurt, but now she does, don’t you think that she
    does deserve a chance to prove herself to you and to the rest of us.”
    Gadget: But wait, the whole idea of taking hostages is that you don’t care but you know other people do-
    Monty: Gadget. No. If you start pointing out logical flaws we’ll be here all night.

    Dale (looking down at the floor, thinking about what Foxy had just
    said, and then looks up at her and smiles): “Yeah, yeah I do.”

    Foxy (smiles back at Dale and give him a kiss on his right cheek):
    “Good, now let’s see what she has to say.”

    (Dale and Foxy return to the living room, and Foxy gives the glass of
    water to Desiree, who finally clams down
    Monty: You see? You see what happens when you give a soaked person a glass of water? They clam up! No wonder! Have a little sense in these things, don’t just-
    Chip: Monty, he said she clammed down.
    Monty: Wait, she what? I...

    and explains her situation to
    the Rangers, who become extremely shocked as Desiree explains the
    details of Capone’s plans, and what will happen if she doesn’t do as
    he says.)
    Gadget: Yeah, extremely shocked. Criminals are totally new to us. God, who wrote this?!

    Desiree: “…and so to keep him from hurting the kids, he told me to
    meet him under the Chicago bridge at midnight, so he can give me his
    first instructions. But am afraid he’ll hurt them anyway, and that’s
    why I came to you guys for help.”

    Chip (who’s seated near Desiree, with Gadget on the other side of her
    who puts her hand on Desiree shoulder as does Chip):
    Chip: Never get between me and my lady. Never.

    “Don’t worry
    Desiree, we’ve stopped Capone before, and we’ll do it again, and this
    time for keeps.”
    Monty: Oh my - are we going to kill him?!
    Dale: Yup. Feed him right into the meat grinder. (pantomimes pushing a piece of meat into a grinder.) Pppppthhhh, squish.

    Gadget: “Chip’s right Desiree, this will be the last time Capone will
    try to hurt anyone, especially little kids.”

    Desiree (putting her hands on both Gadget’s and Chip’s and looking
    back and forth at both of them):
    Dale: Wait, putting her hands on our whats?
    Gadget: Chip, is there anything you want to tell me?

    “Thank you both, in fact, thank you
    all, even you Monzie.”

    (After hearing Desiree thank him, along with everyone else, Monty just
    turns and walks away, towards his room, not even looking back at
    Desiree or anyone else.
    Monty: “Man, y’all are SO LAME.”

    Upon seeing this Desiree is almost about to
    break into tears again, but Wescott, kinda enough, tells her to dry
    those tears.)
    Gadget: As usual, it was sort of enough, but not really enough. Wescott, your generic halfway solution for not-so-pressing problems.

    Wescott (putting his hand on Desiree’s right shoulder and looks her in
    the eyes): “Don’t worry Miss Desiree, I’ll go and talk to him.”

    Desiree: “Thank you Mr. Wescott.”

    Wescott (smiling): “No problem, and please, just call me Wes.”
    Chip: Oh no. I smell shipping.
    Gadget: Wes? Really? What’s he gonna do, put on a Bluetooth earpiece next and start calling everybody ‘bra?’
    Monty: Hey, he can keep the little harridan.

    (After saying that, Wescott heads towards Monty’s room, while everyone
    begins to plan out a way to stop Capone, without him knowing that
    their on to him.)

    (Wescott is now standing outside Monty’s bedroom door and knocks)

    Wescott: “Monty, can I come in, we need to talk, Monty?”
    Dale: Uh oh. I think he’s breaking up with you, Monty.
    Monty: Hold me, Dale!

    (Wescott knocks again, still there is no reply, Wescott then turns the
    knob on the door, goes inside and is shocked to see that Monty’s gone,
    but how,
    Chip: Gone. And how!

    Wescott then turns to his left and sees Monty’s window is
    open, with a number of bed sheets tied together, he then notices a
    note hanging above the window, he takes it down and silently reads it,
    and then takes the note, leaves Monty’s room, and goes back to join
    the others, who are wondering why Monty’s not with him.)
    Chip: “Nobuddy luvs me an i hav to walk thes raven-dark shadows an nobody cars abowt me an im gunna run away you all can be so happy wifout me ITS OK IM FINE!!!”
    Gadget: Yes, the oldest and most experienced member of the team, running away like a twelve year old girl.

    Tammy: “Um, Wes, where’s Monty, we thought you were going to talk some
    sense into him, and convince him to help us.”

    Wescott (looking at Tammy and everyone else, and then puts his head
    down):
    Chip: Wait, he sets his head down? Like on the table? I hate to say this, Gadget, but a character with a detachable head might be pretty interesting.
    Gadget: I’m still skeptical.

    “Monty’s gone, left out his bedroom window, (Wescott looks back
    up at everyone), and all he did was leave this note.”

    (Chip takes the note from Wescott, and reads it at loud to everyone,
    who are shocked at Monty has said in this note)

    Chip (reading Monty’s note): “Dear Rangers, It’s obvious, that you
    guys just won’t listen,
    Monty: I have so many commas, in my heart, to give,

    I mean Desiree is playing you all for a fool,
    Dale: One single, giant fool, like a robot made of smaller robots,

    and you guys just don’t realize it. She can shed all the tears she
    wants, and say that this no act, that this time it’s the real thing
    and that little children can get hurt, but should all know by now
    that’s it’s all a lie, and before you know it, you’ll all probably
    wind up dead somewhere because you chose to believe her, and not your
    best friend, who knows Desiree better than anyone. And if that’s the
    case, then I have no choice, but to quit the team,
    Chip: And leave, all of you friends of mine, to wind up dead,

    and head for the
    airport, so I can get a flight home back to the Down Under.
    Monty: Uh, he does realize Australia is a real place, right? And not just an expression?

    If you
    guys don’t want me to leave, then come to airport, and bring Desiree,
    so we and I personally can put her back on a flight to Canada. Your
    good friend and former teammate, Monty.”
    Monty: Yeah! FORGET those sunday school kids being held hostage!

    Gadget (after hearing what Monty said in the note, is not very happy
    at all): “I can’t believe Monty would do this to us, all because he
    feels that Desiree is setting us up.”

    Desiree (reponseding
    Chip: Responseding?
    Dale: Yeah, like how you’re in chat and someone responds, and it goes ding. Responseding.
    (a ding sounds and everyone digs out their phones)
    Chip: Not me. (closes phone)
    Dale: Shucks! Me neither! (pockets phone)
    Monty: Not it. (lowers phone)
    Gadget: It was just an alarm. “Take dramamine before the movie.” (puts away phone)

    to what Gadget just said, and in a sad tone
    replies): “You can’t blame Monzie for saying those things and doing
    what he did, Gadget, after all, not everyone can fully believe that
    someone indeed has changed their ways for the better good for
    themselves and everyone else around them, like I have, and I just wish
    Monzie would believe that I have changed, and would help as well, but
    that’s not gonna happen now.”
    Monty: Every single one of my French girlfriends has said “gonna.” How does that happen to a guy? I mean, really?

    Chip (sitting up from the couch, and turns to face Desiree): “Oh yes
    it will. (Everyone looks at Chip to see what he means) All we have to
    do is go to the airport and convince Monty to give Desiree a chance,
    like we did for Foxglove when Dale convinced us too, because he knew
    she had indeed changed her ways. So what do you say guys.”
    Chip: I dunno. Maybe rescue the friggin’ schoolchildren first?

    (Everyone looks at Chip again and smiles and Desiree gets up from the
    couch and gives Chip a small kiss on his cheek, as show of thanks, in
    which Gadget doesn’t mind)
    Gadget: Good to see I’m not painted as a petty harpy.
    Dale: Oh, of course not! I mean, it’s not like we’re watching Star Trek or anything.
    Monty: Orion Slave Chauvinism away!

    Chip: “All right then, we have one hour till midnight, so lets get to
    the airport and try to talk some sense into Monty, and then go to the
    Chicago bridge and put a stop to Capone’s plans before they even
    start, and if need be, put a stop to him as well.”
    Chip: Again with the assassination! Did this guy ever watch the show?!
    Dale: I know! Our tactic is to release every single criminal to wreak havoc another day, assuming they’ll learn their lesson when they clearly never have!

    (And with that said, everyone starts to get their gear together, they
    even give Desiree a weapon (Stun Gun) as well, and head out the door,
    next stop the airport.)

    End of scene 3
    Chip: Speaking of ‘stun gun,’ I’m feeling pretty incapacitated right now.
    Monty: Chin up, lad! It’s half over!
    Gadget: Well, it’s half over according to our author, who isn’t exactly...
    Chip: Isn’t exactly the picture of lucidity.
    Dale: Color me teffired!

    Scene 4: (The Airport)


    (We see Monty getting himself ready to board the plane back to his
    home, when he hears Gadget‘s voice coming up from behind him)

    Gadget: “Monty wait!”
    Monty: Gadget, able to throw her voice since ventriloquist training, sent it ahead. Her body, being understandably afflicted with laryngitis, would catch up about a quarter of an hour later, winded and reduced to pantomiming instructions to the rest of the team.

    (Monty turns around to see Gadget running up to him, along with the
    other Rangers, and Desiree)

    Monty: “Well, have you guys changed your minds and decided to listen
    to me about Desiree.”

    Gadget: “No! We’ve come to try to talk some sense into you.”

    Monty: “Oh, is that all? Well forget it! I’m not listening to anyone
    or anything till she (points at Desiree) leaves.”

    Dale (walking up to Monty): “Don’t you think that’s a little childish
    on your part Monty. I mean only a little baby, who can’t their way or
    get what they want would say something like that. Maybe you oughta act
    more like adult and a Ranger, instead of baby and listen to what we
    have to say.”
    Monty: Wow, that’s taking the high road.
    Chip: Aww, come on, Monty! You’re just a little chicken! Cheep cheep cheep!

    (Monty’s looks down to the floor and drops his bag, because he just
    realizes that Dale had hit the nail on coffin.
    Dale: Yep, I hit the nail right on coffin, cutting his bread and butter right out from under his feet.

    Dale was right; he was
    acting like baby who couldn’t get their way. He looks up at the
    Rangers and in a way admits defeat.)
    Monty: Well, kind of. Sort of. But only because calling me a little baby made me feel sort of churlish.

    Monty: “All right, you guys win. I’ll listen.”

    (So Monty sits down in a nearby chair,
    Gadget: Wait, what? Are airport tarmacs suddenly littered with chairs?

    and listen to what the Rangers
    are saying on how at two different times (Foxy and Wescott), they all
    had to learn to trust and let those who once enemies and unusual
    allies prove that they indeed changed their ways. And that now it was
    Desiree’s turn to prove it.)
    Dale: WHO THE HELL IS WESCOTT?

    Monty (looking up at the Rangers): “You’re right, if we at two
    different points in life can give Foxglove and Wescott a chance to
    prove that they had changed, then Desiree deserves the same chance.”

    (Monty gets up from the chair and suddenly embraced by everyone)

    Monty (letting go of the embrace and picks up his bag from the floor):
    “Now, what’d you say we go kick some Capone ass!”
    Chip: Yeah, it’s definitive. This is gonna get ugly.
    Gadget: Uh, I think whenever someone uses the phrase “kick some ass” it is, by definition, not going to get ugly beyond gradeschool pushing and shoving.

    Chip: “Then I guess there is only thing to say then.”
    Chip: “Let’s all kill ourselves right now and hope we wake up in a better, more canonical universe.”

    (All the Rangers including Desiree put each other hands on each
    other’s shoulders.)

    Rangers and Desiree: “RESCUE RANGERS AWAY!!”
    Dale: Eighties freeze frame, AWAY!

    End of scene 4

    Scene 5: (Under the Chicago Bridge in the pouring rain)
    Dale: The where?
    Gadget: J-just go with it. I just want it to end now.

    We see the figure of Rat Capone waiting, when suddenly we hear Desiree
    voice from behind him.

    Rat Capone: (turns around to see Desiree walking up to him.) “Well,
    it’s about to time you showed up, I was about to have second thoughts
    on if you cared about those kids or not.”

    Desiree: “Capone, I care more about those kids more than I value my
    own life, and I would indeed do anything to keep them safe from the
    likes of you.”
    Gadget: All those one-hour-per-week sunday school classes have forged unbreakable bonds in my heart.

    Rat Capone: “That’s good to hear; because your first instructions are
    to help rid me of those pesky Rescue Rangers once and for all do you
    understand.”

    Desiree: “Yes I do, but it’s funny you should mention the Rescue Rangers.”
    Dale: Man, if she’s not going to turn back to evil at this point, she’s wasted a perfectly good opportunity here.

    Rat Capone: “And why is that, my dear?”

    (Desiree points to behind Capone, and Capone turns around only to see
    the Rangers standing behind him, ready to attack, but Capone turns
    back around with evil grin on his face, which makes Desiree curious)
    Monty: By this point, Capone has turned around so many times he is staggering and beginning to vomit. He sits down for a moment, hoping the world will stop spinning.

    Rat Capone: “I had a feeling you going to do something like this,
    that’s why I came prepared, (he snaps his fingers, and Sugar Ray and
    Arnold suddenly appear out the darkness along with some huge giant
    street rats)
    Monty: Sugar Ray? Aww, man, he’s gonna bore us to death with bland nineties pop music.

    boys, kill the Rangers, till there’s nothing left but
    seven pools of blood!
    Chip: Portion them carefully into ice cube trays! I want seven! Eight shall not be the number of the pools, nor six...

    While I personally take of Miss B**** here.”
    Chip: “Miss Beezy?”
    Dale: “Miss Bando?”
    Gadget: “Miss Boson?” Monty?
    Monty: Nope. “Miss Bored.”

    (And with that, the fighting begins, the Rangers seemed to
    outnumbered, but that doesn’t stop them,
    Gadget: Because the number of enemies is as fluid as the continuum of time itself.

    they continue to fight, while
    Capone squares off with Desiree, with nothing but deadly attentions on
    his mind.)
    Dale: Deadly attentions? What, did he mortify someone’s pride?

    Rat Capone: “So you decided to defy me, instead of doing what I ask,
    and then you think you can lead me into a false sense of security with
    a sneak attack, who do the hell do you are, huh, some kind of hero,
    while I got news for you, your not, and now your going to suffer.”
    Dale: Yeah, a false sense of security from a sneak attack. Ninja attacks make me feel so safe.
    Monty: I know. Anytime someone in night vision goggles garrotes me from behind, it’s like a warm blanket around my shoulders.

    (With that, Capone lunges at Desiree with a sharp knife in hand, but
    Desiree moves to the left, and Capone misses her, he turns around and
    tries to lunge at her again with knife, and again misses, Capone
    begins to grow frustrated.)
    Chip: Capone again begins to grow dizzy, and sits down flat on his backside. Ugh. Shouldn’t have had Taco Bell.

    Rat Capone: “Stand still you F******* B****, so I can plunge this
    right though the center of you heart!”
    Chip: Furriest Buyer?
    Gadget: Futurist Buggy?
    Dale: Farrrrrt Blast?
    Monty: Fabulous Bored.
    Gadget: Monty, that doesn’t make sense.
    Monty: Nothing makes sense anymore.

    Desiree (pulls out the stun gun the Rangers gave her, sets at maxuim
    power, and aims at Capone): “If you want me, here I am, I’m not going
    ove,ove, so come get me A**hole!”
    Monty: Quoting the late-nineties rave tune, “I’m not going ove,ove, so come and get me a**hole!” Not going ove,ove! Not going ove,ove!
    Chip and Dale: Not going ove,ove! Not going ove,ove!
    Gadget: You guys are so lame.

    (So as Capone lunges at her for a third time, Desiree brings the stun
    gun up, and with all her strength, fires the gun at the maxuim power
    she set it for right at Capone, who is hit right in the chest at
    velocity of the blast, and is knocked right towards the edge to where
    you can see the Michigan river.
    Gadget: Wait, is this a stun gun, or a shaped explosive charge?

    Believing Capone is dead,
    Monty: “Nobody could’ve survived that not-quite-fall!”

    Desiree heads back towards the Rangers who just finished kicking the hell out
    of Capone’s henchmen, who now look like roadkill,
    Chip: So we’re reduced to the level of dumb, mean schoolyard bullies.

    but as she goes over
    to them, she doesn’t notice Capone getting back up, and with the last
    of his strength throws the sharp knife at Desiree, who doesn’t see it
    coming but Monty does.)

    Monty (yelling and running towards Desiree): “Desiree look out!”

    (As she sees and hears Monty, she turns around to see the deadly blade
    flying right towards her, but just as it about to hit her, Monty
    pushes her out of the way, and takes the impact of the blade as it
    hits him right in his right arm, causing him to fall down in extreme
    pain,
    Monty: Oh, for pity’s sake. It was only a paring knife.
    Dale: Yeah, Monty, you’ve sat on sharper things than that.
    Monty: Watch it...

    Desiree gets up to see what has happen, and then notices Capone
    is laughing, and that only angers Desiree even more then before, that
    she goes and picks up the blade.)

    Desiree (throwing the blade right at Capone): “GO TO HELL, YOU BASTARD!!!!”

    (Capone stops laughing as the blade hits him right square in the
    chest,
    Dale: Mainly because Monty is still attached.
    Chip: He collapses as if he’s been hit by a freight train.

    Capone looks up in shock, as the blood starts to flow from his
    mouth, and he starts to walk backwards, and then before he falls, he
    throws something in the air.)

    Rat Capone (dying): “You may have beaten but but unless you can cut
    the right wire in this remote to stop the bomb, then you haven’t won
    anything. HA, HA, HA, HA-(Capone then finally falls off the edge and
    into the river)-AHHHHH!”
    Monty: Nobody could’ve survived that fall.
    Chip: Truly.

    (Foxglove catches the remote, and sees that there is only 1:50 left
    before it causes the bomb to goes off, she hands it to Gadget.)
    Gadget: So throw it in the river! What’s it gonna do, splash us to death?

    Gadget: “Hmm let’s see, if we know Capone, it has to be this wire.”

    (Thus, she cuts the yellow wire, and the remote stops with 0:05 left.
    Everybody breaths a sigh of relief.)

    Wescott: “But how did you know that was the wire to cut, Gadget?”

    Gadget: “Easy, Wes, Capone always had a sick crush on me, so he
    obliviously went with the closest color that would match my hair, so
    that’s how I knew.”
    Monty: So he’s basically just like every fanboy ever.
    Dale: Wait, I thought your hair was orange?
    Gadget: I wish I could say I don’t know what this guy’s talking about.

    Wescott: “Oh, I guess that makes sense, sort of.”
    Monty: Wescott noncommittally hedged, as usual.

    Foxglove (goes up to Gadget): “Uh, Gadget, what are we going to do
    about Monty, he’s extremely hurt, and looks like he needs some medical
    attention right away.”
    Chip: He has a horrific stab wound to his anterior brachial fat fold.
    Monty: Watch it, boyo.

    (Gadget goes over to where Monty’s at, and use Monty’s coat as a
    temporary bandage to cover the wound which is very deep, and then she
    and the other Rangers and Desiree help carry him to the RangerWing.
    And fly off towards the nearest hospital.)

    End of scene 5

    Scene 6: (One month later back at Ranger Headquarters,
    Monty: Wait, what happened to me? Did they get me to the hospital? Did I die? Did my insurance cover ANYTHING?

    we see the
    Rangers once again in their usual actives, Gadget working on a new
    invention, Chip reading a Sherluck Jones book, Wescott and Tammy
    practicing their martial arts skills,
    Chip: The only martial art I’ve ever seen Tammy practice is the art of Whine Fu.

    Dale and Foxy playing a Gamecube
    game which Foxy is winning,
    Dale: But since it’s a gamecube, it doesn’t count.
    Chip: Still, it’s not quite as lame as playing Wii.

    Zipper napping, and yes even Monty,se ase
    Monty: No habla espanol! (fidgets with remote)

    arm was damaged so badly, the doctors fitted him with a artificial one
    instead,
    Monty: Jesus Christ! I didn’t want to know! I didn’t want to know...
    Dale: There, there. I still love ya, you ol’ tinfist.
    (Monty hangs his head)

    eating some bire’86 cheese. When suddenly they hear a knock
    on the door. Chip gets up to see who it is, but when he opens it, no
    one is there, he then looks down to see a box there, he picks it and
    brings it in.)
    Dale: And the box says “hey! Dogface! I’m down here! Figure just because you’re taller than me that nobody’s at the door... why I oughtta...”

    Dale (curious looking at the box): “I wonder what’s inside.”

    Tammy: “Could be anything.
    Gadget: Actually, that’s not true. Its contents could only be large enough to fit inside the box.
    Chip: And nothing inside that box could make this story worthwhile.

    (Tammy notices an envelope on top) Hey,
    this might tells us something.” (And with that opens the envelope to
    read the letter, it is from Desiree, and goes something like this….)
    Monty: Oh, no, is he gonna break into another musical number?
    Gadget: Hang on, I’m trying to find my Dramamine.

    (Tammy reading the letter): “Dear, Friends, I know it’s been a month
    since the incident with Capone, but I wanted to thank you personally
    for all your help.
    Monty: Personally, in a huge bulk letter. Yep. That’s my ex.

    I know that it was very hard for you guys to trust me, giving our past
    history together, but I believe God help me finally earn your trust,
    Chip: And like the police, God arrives too late in the story to do anything and takes all the credit.

    and with that I would like you guys to have these, (The Rangers pull
    out seven crystal crosses that have their names on the front and a
    message on the back that says this: “God is always there when you need
    him”), and remember that if there you can trust one in this world,
    it’s the O’ Mighty God himself.
    Chip: O’ Mighty God!
    Dale: Uh-oh! Mightygod-Os!
    Monty: Honey God Mighty-Os!

    Once I thank you for your help, and
    may God Bless You Always. Love Desiree Delur.”
    Dale: Oh, awesome! Now we can fight vampires and werewolves, and maybe even get inducted into Bureau 13!

    Gadget (putting the cross around her neck, and then looking at Monty,
    who has tears swelling up in his eyes): “Well, Monty, Do you trust
    Desiree now?”
    Gadget: “These Jesus Juking gifts sure prove her goodness!”

    Monty (wiping the tears from eyes and looking at the cross and then
    back at Gadget): “You bet I do luv, you bet I do.”
    Dale: yeah, as if Monty would get teary eyed. Monty?
    (Monty is softly sobbing)
    Monty: God, I can’t escape with one single shred of my dignity intact!
    Chip: Take heart. At least you weren’t defeated by self-imposed dizziness, like Rat Capone.

    End of scene 6
    Chip: End.

    End of Story
    Dale: END.

    The End
    Monty: For the love of God, END!
    Last edited by Decent Weasel; 07-29-2012 at 03:41 PM.

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